Funny Confirmation Speech – Examples and Inspiration

Leo, we need to clear something up before we go any further with this speech. For three years, from when you were eight until about eleven, my PlayStation controller kept vanishing from my room on a regular basis. Every time I asked you about it, you gave the same answer: 'Probably Max.' Max is our dog. Max does not have thumbs.

I eventually found it under your bed, along with two other controllers I'd assumed were gone forever, a bag of sweets, and — for reasons I still can't explain — my favorite jumper from 2019. When I confronted you, you looked me dead in the eye and said, 'Max probably hid it there.' Max, at the time, was on holiday at Grandma's. You did not back down even with a watertight alibi working against you.

That's actually very you, Leo. You'll defend a bad position long after every shred of evidence points the other way, purely because you find it funnier that way. I've never really been able to stay properly angry with you for it — it's impossible to be mad at someone who lies that badly and that enthusiastically at the same time.

— Confirmation speech, older brother